Well, as all yall know, today is the High Holy Day for American Females – the biggest shopping day of the year. First we’re thankful we got credit cards, THEN we shop to prove it.
So today, I headed out with a few gf after giving Husband the usual long list of last minute instructions that men pretend to listen to but ignore and told him I’d be back after dinner and before midnight. So for some reason, us girls decided to leave the mall early and beat the rush to the checkout and the rush out of the parking lot.
Or maybe we were all just tired, but I did get home at 7:45 and there was Husband at the door with a slightly anxious face. He looked at me, then looked relieved. When that boy looks worried, then relaxes, I KNOW something up. Actually I’m pretty blessed – Husband can’t lie worth a darn and kidsss can’t keep a secret.
Kidsss all come running up – 3 little boys all talking at once, I THINK I hear – itza a hunnert million dollars whazinna bags cn we see whatchu get wherezz minnnnnne??? Normal there.
Dogsss all look fine – no missing paws, hair not dyed green, chunks not bitten out of them or something, house seems OK, can’t smell something burning, it seems as clean as can be expected with 3 little kidsss living in it.
So I say to Husband – you might as well tell me now. No, he says, not until you sit down and eat. Husband is convinced that everything in life is easier to deal with on a full stomach. Which is, I guess, why his stomach is always full. I actually AM a little hungry – shopping in a huge crowd of eager bargain hunting females take a LOT of energy, let me tell yall men.
So Husband fixes me a plate of cold turkey and hot dressing with gravy (yeah, we DID have leftovers) and a glass of milk and waits until I’ve finished.
Husband sez, I guess you didn’t talk to your Mama? And actually, I didn’t – my cell battery died around noon. So I got just a lil impatient and said – out with it.
The Stros signed Woody Williams to a 2 year contract with a 3rd year option (actually 2 years for 12.5 mill with a club option for a 3rd year at 6.5 million…) Well, that’s fine with me. Woody must be one of the happiest guys in the majors – he’s always wanted to play for his hometown Astros – he’s only said so on the record bout a zillion times and 6 mill a year is very good for a decent SP – even if he IS 40 years old. Heck, there ARE guys who can pitch at age 40 – Kenny Rogers, Jamie Moyer, Roger Clemens… (And I LIKE having homies on the roster – I do NOT like that seems we only have scouts in California and not Texas.)
But that ain’t all. Nope. Deep breath.
Carlos Lee was signed for 6 years 100 million. I had that very bad feeling that we were gonna do something that freaking stupid, so I wasn’t as upset as I would have been for, say, signing Gary Matthews Jr for 5 years 50 mill or Soriano 8 years for 136 mill. All I want to know is – was Drayton stupid enough to give that lump of lard a no-trade? Ida know, sez Husband, they didn’t say.
(UPDATE: 11/25 – the first four years are no trade. Too stupid for words. And to respond to all the emails telling me I am a stupid moron for not liking this deal, let me say this – Lee might could be fine next year. But there are FIVE more years after that and a whole lot of people out there can’t seem to understand that fat outfielders do not continue to produce at the same level they did when they were 29. And we will be paying him 16.6 mill a year for all those lousy years. )
I have NO freaking idea how that outfield is supposed to field. I guess this means both Jason Lane and Luke Scott are going to be traded – Lane, because he failed last year and Luke Scott, because he’s a LF without a position. And with Orlando Palmeiro, we don’t need another lefty off the bench. Hey, maybe we can sign Aubrey Huff to play right and give him a 7 year contract at 12 mill a year!!! Of course, he’s alousy RF. Well, I don’t guess that matters, seeing as how people really think it does not matter if a fielder can catch or throw a ball, as long as he hits home runs. We are going to end up eating a LOT of that contract because Lee is, I guess, unwilling to not see if he can get fatter than Bartolo Colon and Kirby Puckett combined and Lee will need to be traded to the AL as a DH in a few years, that is, if he can manage not to break his back or knees with all that excess fat.
So I called Mama. She was grim. Unless every pitcher manages to induce grounders to short, he’s gonna see his ERA go up by at LEAST 1.5 runs. And, she said, because of the terrible defense, they are gonna try to strike out every hitter and home run field will return. This was a really stupid signing, she said. Every stat geek she knows agrees. (Mitchel Lichtman, a well known defensive stat geek says “This is the worst signing of the off-season. It is horrendous. I defended the Soriano and Matthews signings. This one is indefensible. Lee, by all rights, is a terrible defender at this point in his career (interestingly, prior to 05, his UZR was above average). His baserunning lwts also took a nose-dive in 05. That and his UZR decline suggests that he has lost his speed. He is an average left fielder overall at best. At best. This signing has all the earmarks of a stupid team overvaluing a player – signing for big bucks a corner outfielder (not properly adjusting for defensive position) who is past his prime, just had a career year in offense, has good garbage stats, and is a terrible defender.”
Can I think of something good to say about this deal? I’ll try. At least Carlos Lee actually WANTED to play here, unlike that freaking *($^@! Carlos the Jackal, who was signing a book deal called “My First Year In Pinstripes” while offering the Yankees a below market deal, all while he was supposedly negotiating with the Astros, then came out with a supposed demand for a no trade clause AFTER he had already signed with the Mets. So that is ONE good thing I can say about THIS Carlos. And I’m reasonably certain we can get one good year of hitting, unless he gets hurt lugging all that lard around.
I’m sure the fans who have been screaming for us to DO SOMETHING are ecstatic. They will be the same ones screaming how Carlos sucks and is hurting the team and let himself go to heck with conditioning as soon as he had the security of that huge contract. Well, at least Carlos will ground out instead of striking out because that is really really important for the fans. HOW you make the outs counts for a LOT. GO to SS, 2B = good. K = bad.
Now, maybe they can get back to screaming how we need to dump that dead bat Adam Everett, who is worthless and strikes out for a REAL bat like, say Felipe Lopez (who was the worst fielding SS in the majors last year but is a good hitter) cuz your #8 hitter should be hitting like Lance. And DFA that no good Mo Ensberg who does terrible things like WALK and put Mike Lamb at third full time and play Eric Bruntlett for tough leftys. It will be so great to have a team that hits like the Yankees and fields like them too.
These self same fans luuuuuuuvvvvv Willy Taveras and his leadoff .333 OBP, who struck out 8 times less than the hated Mo Ensberg, and walked only 34 times AND hit like crap with MOB.
Now all we need to do is sign Mike Piazza to catch, DFA Ausmus, trade Burke, Lidge, Lane, Hirsh, Ensberg, Sampson, Pence and Albers and any young player who hits worse than Berkman or pitches worse than Roy for Wily Mo Pena and some LOOGY and we will be all set.
I’m SURE Roger Clemens will be HAPPY to sign with a team that will score a whole lot of runs, but will make the Yankees fielders look like the 2000 Mets, so he can watch his ERA go on up to 5.
Husband says – look Baby, these guys KNOW the market this year is very expensive and they hafta make stupidly long contracts in order to sign a guy for 1 year or even 2 years. Maybe they are actually figuring that they are actually paying 100 mil for 2 or 3 years and are not counting on getting anything more – maybe Scott Boras IS right and the owners got so much money they hardly know what to do with it.
The 33 million dollar a year player.
Barry Lamar Dog pokes his nose at my elbow and whines gently – he knows I’m up set and is trying to ask why and cheer me up. I tell him, well Dog, problem is we shoulda signed the REAL Barry Lamar to a 1 year contract so we won’t be in trouble in 3 years when we can’t move this dead weight.
So to speak.
Oh yeah, we are losing our top two draft picks this year. Like our farm is so stacked who needs to get top young players anyhow? I suppose it doesn’t really matter – we haven’t done very well at picking in the top 2 rounds for the last 5 years.
I’ll talk about the payroll and the farm next week. Once I get undepressed enough to do it.