1/17/13: Crane Spends Big On Proven Veteran Rick Ankiel

Remember how I groused when Phil Garner collected all those ex-Tigers?
And when Fast Eddie grabbed all those worn out ex-Phillies?

Well, looks like Luhnow is repeating the same ol same ol. If some ballplayer came from the Cards at any time in the past, ol Jeffy-poo gonna get all googoo eyed.

Now it’s the remnants of Rick Ankiel. The guy who was gonna be an ACE when he came up in 99 at age 20. Who caught the lethal version of Steve Blass Disease during the playoffs, tried every cure including TJ surgery, and reinvented himself as an outfielder.  He came back, finally, in 07, posted an .863 OPS over 47 games, as a very good centerfielder. He played in 120 games each of the next 2 years – lots of platooning in there, but he got about 400 ABs each year, and had a .843 OPS (120 OPS+) but fell to a .678 (77 OPS+) the next. He’s very prone to strikeout, about 25% of PA. In fact, his only really good year was 08 and he’s declined significantly ever since.

Cards didn’t want him back after 09, no surprise, and he signed with the Royals, had a Jeff Francoeur style dead cat bounce, and he got his self traded to Atlanta mid season, but he failed to produce. 112 ERA+ to 77. Here and I thought the DH league was the tougher one. Anyway, he spent his last 2 years with the Nats, posting a .651 OPS over 415 ABs in 2011 and a .693 OPS (8 OPS+) over 171 PA before being released in July.

I guess his suckiness would fit right in with the Astros. I suppose he’l platoon with Justin Maxwell and uh – whatshisname that crappy LF. Oh, wait. He’s a lefty, too.


I guess it is more fiscally advantageous to pay Free Agents like Ankiel minimum wage, to shove it in the Union’s face, than to play any actual minor leaguers who are ready to play. Oh, wait – we don’t HAVE any.

And now, for something completely different. On an old subject, yes. Wanted to post this wonderful posting (with just a lil editing for G-rating) from an anonymous internet poster named “KT’s Pot Arb” from Baseball Think Factory.org (yes I still manage to find a little time to go there – don’t ask me how…)

“I think players who did NOT use steroids should be punished. They cheated the game and the fans of their best efforts, and i would never allow even one of those lazy prigs into the HOF, regardless of their “natural” performance level.

When did we become such a nation of (pansies) that we celebrate guys who knock off early, did just enough to get by, and refused to risk, strive or sacrifice to win? In the old days, you took out the catcher, spiked the shortstop, threw a spitter, scuffed the ball, plunked that SOB who homered off you, and never, ever backed down from a fight or let down your teammates. If you weren’t caught trying to deceive the ump, it was because you were too busy corking your bat, or trying to get the signs stolen by the guy with binoculars in the scoreboard. If you were exhausted from a long night of (female) scouting from the top of the hotel with binoculars guy, you didn’t whine, you just took an extra handful of greenies from the big bowl in the clubhouse and went out to kick someone’s ass.

And if you got caught cheating, did the nation grasp its collective skirts, and faint? NO! You made a half assed apology knowing you had just cemented your rep as a goddam red blooded American hero, the kind any team would be happy to have, that teammates were proud to play alongside, and whose (youknowwhat) women lined up for the honor of (youknowwhat-ing)

Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire risked their health to pump themselves full of nasty black market drugs so they could work out twice as often and twice as hard as those gutless, talentless, punks who got by giving their absolute minimum necessary to the game. Steroid users gladly turned themselves into cartoon caricatures so they could burn their wings near the sun. They did it to break records, win games and championships, make history so you, I and all real fans could see what true greatness is. When they were out there, they showed us what real baseball is, contested out of sweat, blood, ####, piss and pain in the dust of arenas immortalized by what these greats left of themselves on that hard unforgiveing dirt..

Steroid freaks deserve our goddam respect and gratitude for what they gave us, their all regardless of the price they knew they’d have to pay. Big Mac sacrificed his mighty balls, shrunk into tiny acorns, disappearing long ago in his gigantic trunk. Bonds deformed his handsome head, Clemens, his magnificent ass. Because of the gifts they gave us, It’s unlikely any of these men will live long enough to see their grand kids play ball, but silently, stolidly, they will carry the burden of their sacrifices with honor for the rest of their short, glorious and historic lives.”

Last but not least, take a look at this list from Maury Brown, listing all the major and minor leaguers who have been CAUGHT using drugs. Check out the ones who have used actual steroids, not including Freddy Galvis’ vaginal suppository. See if you can figure out from their stats when they started using and how it really helped them hit home runs. That is, if you even recognise their names…


10 Responses to “1/17/13: Crane Spends Big On Proven Veteran Rick Ankiel”

  1. Eric says:

    I remember Rick Ankiel. Blazing stuff. Couldn’t locate the home plate, converted to OF. Had a couple good seasons and tailspin into obscurity after that.

    As a pitcher, he was wilder than the wild quinoa at Central Market. (to quote a great RSN blog)

  2. Becky says:

    I’ll take Brandon Barnes over Ankiel ANY DAY! Barnes is an EXCELLENT CF,
    and Rick Ankiel lost his mo-jo a long time ago. Look, if that guy couldn’t hit OUR
    pitchers last year, he can’t hit NO BODY! Luhnow is starting to look like Ed Wade
    with his love for former Cards players. NOW………if Luhnow ever signed a creep
    like Jim Edmonds…………..I’D HAVE TO KILL HIM! Spit, spit, spit…..get Edmonds
    name outta my mouth.

  3. Bruce says:

    We did get Michael Bourn out of one of those deals.

  4. Bruce says:

    Or was that Purpura? Think it was, actually.

  5. Bruce says:

    If so, another negative.

  6. Lisa Gray says:


    he did have 12 WP during his 172 innings in 2000, but he had no evidence of particular wildness. he was very solid his last month, giving up 2. o, 2 and 2 walks over his last 4 games. he just came apart in the playoffs – it’s why it was such a shock.

  7. Lisa Gray says:


    yeh, not sure why no brandon barnes, unless they actually mean to play ankiel in the minors, seeing as how he is signed to a minor league deal.

    as for the Hot Dog – i hate the SOB too, but damm he was great and he should go in the Hall. he’ll probably end up one n done like kenny lofton


    bourn was one of ed wade’s very few win/win trades.

  8. Bruce says:

    Love ya, Earl!


    (its a clean one!)

  9. Lisa Gray says:

    i didn’t know that “earl” and “clean” ever happened simultaneously. except maybe in a shower.

    can’t wait to read richard justice’s eulogy