Happy Thanksgiving 2011

It never fails. Every Thanksgiving, somehow the toasted pecans which I arrange neatly on top of the pecan pies become, uh, disarranged, often absent, and this curious event occurs when my Daddy just happens to drop by. So this year, I put them in a box, padlocked the box and put it in my closet.

Baby Girl, sez my Daddy, trying to look innocent, aintchu gonna fix no pies this year? Ida know Daddy, I answer, they bad for your sugar. But I don’t GOT a sugar problem, so where’s the pies? Well, Daddy, IFFN I was gonna fix pies, today is NOT Thanksgiving yet, right?

sulk

But I had, in fact, fixed a special treat for Great Uncle Johnny, wrapped it up special, and put a For Uncle Johnny so NOBODY TOUCH THIS OR ELSE!!!!! sign on it. And so after dinner last night, I went to the fridge to get it to bring it to him – he needs the calories because he’s sick, and I can’t find it where I left it and I know SOMEbody got into it so I go into the living rom and confront trying to look innocent males and say WHERE THAT OAT CRACK PIE AT?

Sudden silence, guilty looks, tongues licking crumbs offn lips.

Well, huhhuhhuh, er, you see, sez Cousin Marvelle the security guard who thinks he should be a cop,  ah thought you said crack PIPE so I had to, uh, investigate. Yeah, that’s the word, investigate.

Lemme get this straight here boy – by your own self, you went into MY refrigerator, opened the present for Uncle Johnny and ate 4000 calories worth of butter, oats, cream and sugar to make sure it was legal, do I got this straight, while all these other boys just sat and watched you, it that right?

So of course Cousin Marvelle ain’t gonna take the rap his own self and immediately implicates Husband, Brother, Daddy and Sons 1-3, still surreptitiously licking crumbs off fingers. Which of course, I knew, seeing as how I knew only too well that the only thing they like to share more than gossip is greasy, sugary, buttery, creamy goo. And that pie takes FOREVER to make, too.

So between having to remake it, repost threats of refusal to cook any more at ALL, and making the usual stuff, I’ve had no time to make the announcements that

1 – no more Clint Barmes – he signed with the Bucs for 5 mill a year for 2 years. Looks like Angel Sanchez or some minor leaguer or crappy guy offn the scrap heap is going to “play” short.

2 – Buddy Boy is trying to assuage furious Astros’ fans anger against Crane (henceforth to be referred to as the RWP – racist War Profiteerer) by saying that Drayton McLane agreed to move to the team to the AL way BEFORE the sale. Yeah, surrrrre. Ain’t making Astros fans any less angry at either you or the RWP, Selig, you swear words. And the team using AAAA players everywhere isn’t making either one of you look good and is certainly NOT going to increase ticket sales.

3 – Corporan and Towles are off the team, as they have picked up some other horrid AAAA catcher who is a Corporan/Towles clone.

4 – They have signed 4 guys to minor league contracts with invites to ST – Lance Pendleton (RH RP who was on the roster in Sept after being released by the Yankees), Travis Buck, 29 yo LH OF (1st round pick of the A’s in 05, AAAA guy, 737 AB over 5 years with a .727 OPS), Joe Thurston, 32 yo AAAA IF, (5th round pick of the Dodgers in 99, who we know from his 226 ABs with the 09 Cards –  lifetime .626 OPS in 323 ML Abs over 9 years) and Brad Snyder, 29 yo LH OF (1st round pick for Cleveland in 03, who has a grand toal of 35 ML Ab, all with the Cubs and has a AAA .835 OPS over 1760 ABs.)

uck

You know that if these guys had been 40th rounders, they wouldn’t be getting a ST invite. Might as well stockpile some crappy AAAA guys at AAA OK City so they will have SOMEbody to play, seeing as how we don’t have any decent minor leaguers, right?

They have left 23 year old Kody Hinze off the 40 man – he was undrafted and has hit like crazy – don’t guess they need any prospects who can, you know, like, hit. Ed Wade’s obsession with crappy utility infielders over minor leaguers who could, you know, like, maybe someday, like contribute, continues.

The minor leaguers left unprotected are: Xavier Cedeno, 25 yo LHP who we got in the Paulino trade; Kyle Greenwalt, 23 yo RH SP/RP, 20th rounder in 07; Danny Meszaros, 25 yo RH RP, AAA, 48th round in 08; Sergio Perez, Rh SP, 2nd rounder in 05 – wracked, or is it wrecked, by injuries, 2 years of suckage at AAA.

Kyle Greenwalt has possibilities – the other 3? Nope.

Also, Brandon Barnes, 5th rounder in 05; Jon Gaston, 7th rounder in 08; Collin DeLome, 5th round in 07; and T.J. Steele, 4th round in 08. All of em outfielders who can’t hit a lick. No obvious great loss. We already HAVE a CF who can’t hit a lick, when he can tear himself away from Mary Jane, that is.

Hmmm. Schafer hasn’t yet been tried or sentenced. Maybe we NEED another OF who can’t hit a lick…

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13 Responses to “Happy Thanksgiving 2011”

  1. Becky says:

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and your sweet family, Lisa! I’m not gonna go nuts trying to figure out what is, and isn’t gonna happen to this team today. It is what it is, and there’s not ONE TINY thing I can do about it, so I’m gonna watch this LAST YEAR of NL baseball………and be done with them. Eat too much, laugh out loud and enjoy the look on your kids faces when you bring out those wonderful pies!! Becky:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

  2. Bruce says:

    Maybe they’re hidin’ some rookie talent like just like those pies….

  3. Bruce says:

    Lisa, cover your eyes….

    Might be a good time to target Daniel Murphy from the Mets. Guy is all bat and not much of a fielder. We could use him as a mmmpf-mmmpf next year.

  4. marmer says:

    What? They ate Great Uncle Johnny’s pie, knowing he was sick? Really? They’d be lucky to get carrot sticks and celery outta your kitchen after that!

  5. Lisa Gray says:

    bruce,

    we don’t need a youiknowwhat next year. but i hear tell the mets are gonna try him in yet another position he can’t play and see what else he can injure. besides, they are not lookin to get rid of anyone cheap. wilpon is desperately trying to hang on by his fingernails and all i hear is a screeching sound of slipping.

    marmer,

    here’s what happened. SOMEbody said

    - lookit this box, i wonder what uncle johnny is getting.
    - bet it’s them pecan pies
    - yeh, let’s take a look, cain’t find the apple crumble or the pecan pie, wonder what it is
    - man, i never seen nothin look like that
    - smells good
    - hey there boy dontchu touch that crumb
    - but it’s goooooood
    - we better fix that corner back up
    - ooooops
    - some of it is loose,
    - she won’t notice it’s missing
    - hey gimme some
    munch, crunch, slobber, smack lips, gulp, munch
    - go see if she made another one
    - maybe she’s forgot about it
    - can we get to the kroger, put somethin else in the box before she notice

    uhoh

  6. John says:

    Happy Thanksgiving, Lisa!

    Terrific lead-in, too…

  7. Eric says:

    Please fire Wade. Just please. Or better yet, Wade has a “moment of truth” and realizes what a crappy GM he really is and retires to Tibet to mediate on the course he’s taken his life on.

    I can dream can’t I ?

    Anyone got a email or snail mail address for Bud the Dud so I can send him a letter that’s best handled with heavily padded fireproof gloves ?

    Eric

  8. Becky says:

    Eric- Jim Crane is having a little “chat” with Ed Wade today. Stay tuned, it might just happen! Becky:) :) :) :)

  9. zuludown says:

    “Racist war profiteer” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. I vote for shortening it: “War pig.”

  10. Didi says:

    wow, they ate the pie with the sign on it? .
    they owe you cleaning chores the rest of the year for that.

    hope your thanksgiving was good, Lisa.

  11. Lisa Gray says:

    didi

    yeh, the boys ate the pie with the sign on it. yeh, ass-kicking is STILL goin on. AND i told them they gettin Cousin Marvelle’s share of the kickin cuz he ain’t here to get it.

    thanksgiving was pretty good – the usual stuff. but in MY house, tradition says that the men clean up and trust me there is a LOT of cleaning to do…

  12. Didi says:

    LOL…house will be spic & span clean for new year.

  13. Lisa Gray says:

    didi

    you got THAT right. them boyz is a LOT more worried bout mami than santa clause, you know what i’m sayin

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