Well, I guess we need to thank Roger for making the Astros front page news across America.
It was because he DIDN’T sign, but Roger did more to get us in the news that Purpura has. (And, by the way, the team DID make the right decision – yes I know that Roger is the most popular player and a box office draw and all that and that he just doesn’t KNOW what to do and is agonizing over his decision and maybe he be too tired after pitching in March and he was all tired by Sept etc etc etc…) But there’s NO reason to sit around with head up butt just like last year, regardless of McLane’s complaining that he don’t have any more money etc etc etc. We need bats and we need to get them NOW.

29 teams have made trades, signed players, tried to sign players. Even the Nationals got into the act. As much as I’ve sworn to keep this blog all Astros all the time, this lack of news gettin me desperate – I’m gonna hafta start blogging about my little mae-Stros (hahaha).

So there I am, searching the internet for Stros news while trying to listen to sports radio and suddenly I realize it’s a little TOO quiet. You see, three small boys make a LOT of noise even when they are being good. And there’s suspiscious Absence of Dogsss – ALSO a sign that they all Up To No Good. So I walk quietly over to the kitchen and stick head around the corner and sure enough there they are – they’ve climbed up on the counter and managed to reach on top of the refrigerator. This is not good. Because, you see, on top of the refrigerator is where I stashed all the cut up pieces of dried fruit I’m marinating in rum for the christmas puddings I’m gonna make. They been mostly eating the prunes and currants which is lucky because the cherries are NOT cheap. The dogsss are sitting patiently in a row in front of the counter and kidsss are cramming yummies in their mouths and also generously donating some of the loot to their partners in crime.
Now how’s that song go? (apologies to shaggy…)

“Mami came in and she caught us red-handed
Hands in the candy jar
Picture this we were all 3 eating
and tossin some to the dogsss on the floor
How could we forget
She is not as dumb as we think
All this time she was standing there
Right next to the kitchen sink
Mami: But I caught yall on the counter
#1 son: (It wasn’t me)
Mami: Saw you chewing on the almonds
#2 son: (It wasn’t me)
Mami: I even saw you munching on the raisins
#3 son: (It wasn’t me)
Mami: I even caught you eating the prunes
#1 son: (It wasn’t me)
Mami: I saw the mess on you faces
#2 son: (It wasn’t me)
Mami: YOU HEAR THE WORDS THAT I’M SAYIN???
all 3 sons: (It wasn’t me)
Mami: You kids are goin in the corner!!!!!
There they stayed til it was over…”

Well, actually, the PLAN was they was gonna be stayin in the corner until nap time because I was good and mad (and am going to have to think of another way to keep stuff outta busy little fingers). After I called poison control to make sure that boiling rum for 10 minutes really DOES remove the alcohol or I woulda had to take kidsss to the ER for getting the stomachs pumped and then had to get grilled by CPS about exactly WHY is it that I’m feeding my kids alcohol AND GETTIN THEM DRUNK, HMMMMMMMMMMMMM?

So I’m thinking of exactly how to punish the kids a little more than just sittin in the corner when I hear
Mamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
I doan feel goodddddddd

Well, it’s like this – several cupfuls of dried fruit makes kids, um, well, let’s say it cleans out their intestines REAL good, so they spent a WHOLE lot of time in the bathroom and big boys had to wear diapers again, which was seriously humiliating. So I didn’t hafta spank kids because they got their OWN butts hurting plenty good enough.

But problem was that I had forgot about all the goodies they had slipped to Dogsss, who I forgot to put outside, and I had a WHOLE lotta mess I hadta clean offn the kitchen floor and I hadta wash all the dog beds too.

PLUS I hadta go get outside to wrap up all the plants because the arctic is sending us some of their extra cold air tonight and I don’t need any dead plants.

So in conclusion, guess it was just as well the Stros did exactly zero today. Because I think I would have missed it anyhow.
So like Scarlett O’Purpura says – tomorrow is another day to trade and sign players. (HINT, HINT!!!)

Tags: Houston Astros, MLB

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 8th, 2005 at 9:30 pm and is filed under Astros baseball, Roger Clemens. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.