Thanksgiving At The Grays – Or Why Females Should Be GMs

I love Thanksgiving. Always have.

To me, it is the most American holiday there is – every one of us of every skin color, religion and ethnic background, the smart, the not quite as smart, the educated, the uneducated, the rich, the not as rich – ALL of us, no matter what our grumbles, can all give thanks that we live here in America and not somewhere else. That no matter how bad we think we have it, it is still better than anywhere else.

This particular holiday is unique to America, as America is unique to every other country in the world. This particular celebration has lasted almost 400 years, sandwiched between ancient (to most all peoples all over the northern hemisphere) celebrations All Hallow’s eve, the last (probable) Day of Harvest and the Winter Solstice (AKA Christmas.)

I like that we can give thanks for our own particular family and friends as well as all the others in our 300 something million strong American family, people we don’t even know. And I especially like this particular day because it is the day that Husband and Me decided We were meant to be (9 years ago today.)

Somehow, our little celebration has grown into a too large celebration with more people than the house can handle.

This year:

My Mama and Daddy
Husband’s Mama and her male companion
2 of my brothers (no females with them)
2 of my brothers with female companions (and their 4 kids)
2 of my cousins (and their 3 kids)
His brother and gf
His sister (and her 3 kids)
His other brother

Our 3 kidz, my niece
2 kids we planned on sitting and 3 more we didn’t (but that is OK because one of those kids is a 2 month old baby, which makes Husband happy. He likes babies. He’d REALLY like it if there was a baby around here for keeps, you feelin me here, but until he gets his own self pregnant, he out of luck…)

But I digress.

All yall wonder, of course, how on EARTH we fit that many people into our smallish house. We don’t. We have tables in the back yard. Men’s bathroom in the garage and women’s bathroom – they get to use the kids’.

And of course, all yall wondering about the menu. Too much food, naturally.

For the Dogsss – (cooked) turkey gizzards, heart and liver PLUS one bone each (beef)

For the kidz – turkey ala king on biscuits, roasted chicken legs, mac-n-cheese, green peas, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, dressing & gravy, cranberry sauce. and NO dessert until EVERYONE’S dinner is OVAH. Yeh, I know. I’m mean. Trick is to feed the kidz about 15 minutes BEFORE the rest of the adults get started. And this way, you can make sure the 10 year old doesn’t give the 2 year old something she got no business eating. Anyway, you can TRY to make sure. And you make sure the kidz still eating when adults sit down or they over buggin you every single minute. Well, no matter HOW you do it, they over buggin you every single minute.

For the adults:

Cream of mushroom soup, potato leek soup, vegetable beef soup
Turkey, ham, meatballs (asian, swedish, italian)
dressing, shrimp grits, sweet potatoes, cheese potatoes, biscuits, cranberry sauce (homemade by me so it is GOOD) cornbread
green beans, green peas, asparagus, sweet corn
baked cinnamon sugar apples
pecan pie, pumpkin pie (made by me from actual pumpkins), peach pie

and whatever Husband’s mother’s male companion brings to make it up to me for being a **** and slinking out the door without helping with the cleanup because he just KNOW his male parts will shrivel to smallern a new born baby boy and there will be a flashing neon sign on his forehead to tell the entire world iffn he picks up a dirty dish and besides, he can’t bear to miss any of the football game, not sure which one, they all look alike to me.

Which reminds me – he once said to me – WHY you watchin all that baseball? All they do is throw the ball, catch the ball, hit the ball and run. So I retorted – WHY you watchin all that football? All they do is throw the ball, catch the ball, hit the other guy and run away…

But I digress.

So things went as well as could be expected – you come to our House, you understand the Family Tradition Rules:

Before eating, we say Grace (and yeah, the kidz gotta draw straws to see who gets to do it because taking turns every year does NOT work. Actually, absolutely nothing is fairrrrrrr, is it?) and then while Mama is carving the Turkey (beware of chix with knives, as my Daddy sez…) we go round the table and each person says at least one thing they are Thankful for.

After eating, females go in living room and talk, males go in kitchen and clean while I bake the pumpkin pie (and make SURE Husband doesn’t dip into the apples and peach pie whilst my back is turned. Daddy always tries to sneak the pecans off the top of the pecan pie. Brothers and BIL are equal opportunity. It is something about men, I guess – I can stuff em until food coming out their mouths, and they STILL want to sneak a bite of forbidden dessert… Besides, I figure that after I cook for 4 days, I get to have a little enjoyment watching males clean up and put stuff away. And yeh, you betcha the rest of the grrrls start watching from the doorway and, uh, cheering – yeh, that’s the word. Cheering. Family Tradition sez other females are NOT allowed in my kitchen (or my bedroom/bathroom neither – grrls bad to poke their noses where they don’t belong, you know what I’m talkin about…)

Brother the Deuce’s newest female companion (dear Lord, why can’t that man ever find someone to bring to my house who I don’t instantly HATE) had herself a little bit (ahem) of trouble following the rules – like coming into the kitchen TWICE before dinner and bothering me, which is really not the best of ideas (picture her as umpire Mike Winter, um, explaining to Milton Bradley (me) that Milton is not exactly a prince of a man – you feelin me here…) and she was more than a little miffed when she found the door to our bedroom/bathroom locked.

But besides that, things went as reasonably well as you can expect with that many human beings in 1 small area who are not completely distracted by something else. You do notice that alcohol is not allowed on the premises and this significantly helps matters.
And I know that now that all yall read through all that, you are asking – but WHAT does that have to do with BASEBALL??? This is a BASEBALL blog, not a chick chat blog.

Well, you see, tomorrow is Holy Friday, All Females Day. It’s OUR Day, the day when we leave males to work/lie in a blob on the couch, watching kidz and football while us grrrrls go to all the stores, see what there is, try on all kinds of shoes we can’t afford just because it is what grrrls do, check out stuff on sale, try to calculate if we should buy now or wait for a little while see if the price goes down, look at the seriously On Sale stuff and wonder what exactly is wrong with it – AND also, gossip. I mean, try to understand our males, kids, parents, coworkers, world – intaleckshul stuff, ya know.

And THIS is exactly what all the baseball GMs are doing right now. There are checking out what everyone else got, wondering how good/bad it is, looking at stuff that is overpriced, underpriced, on sale, not on sale and wondering if there is really anything they HAVE to have – like those Manolo Blahnik shoes (translation – Manny Ramirez/CC Sabathia/Mark Texiera) even if they DO cost too darn much. Wondering what will go on sale if they wait, IF they wait, will there be anything left, wondering if there will be savings at all. And of course, they all talktalktalkin bout who/what the other guy has that he might could not want as much as he wants something else.

Baseball, shopping – not so different. Which is why females should be GMs.


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