6/24/08:Why NL Baseball ROOLZ!!!

As all yall know, I believe the DH is to baseball as a plastic doll is to loving intimate relations.
But too many people care only for batting average, hating the sac-bunt, sneering at ballplayers who are defensive geniuses unless they hit .300. And, of course, since pitchers don’t hit all through high school, college and the low minors, it’s pretty hard for them to suddenly hit like Berkman when they hit the majors, even those pitchers who are good hitters and WANT to hit.

And I’m thinking about this, watching and re-watching the video of an AL pitcher, Felix Hernandez, hit a grand slam off of Johan Santana. Pitchers hitting homers are absolutely the best when they hit them off of Cy Young winners. But hey, pitchers hitting unexpected homers off of ANY ML pitcher is kewl. Sometimes even if the pitcher is an Astros pitcher.

Favorite pitchers hitting AB I can think of offhand:
1 – Roy Oswalt hitting his first career homer off Shawn Chacon 2 years ago
2 – Some 38 year old Korean lefty relief pitcher whose name I can never remember coming to bat against Randy Johnson (in one of those Mets vs Yankees contests that get the Bud Selig and the networks as excited as a 13 year old boy seeing his first nekkid female) and then McCarver saying contemptuously that this was the most unfair contest evah and why the DH was so WONderful and then that anonymous lefty, hitting for the first time in 15 years, hitting a triple off the Unit.
3 – Roger Clemens driving in the go ahead, winning and ONLY runs in his 4th start for the Astros
4 – Dontrelle Willis hitting a homer 440′ into the upper decks in right here at the Box
5 – Micah Owings hitting the game winning homer off Borkowski right after Coop pulled Wesley Wright AFTER Owings was announced as PH – and THEN screaming about how terrible it was that a pitcher should give up a homer to some freaking PITCHER. So either it happened to be pure coincidence that Coop happened to pull Wesley for another pitcher to pitch to a pinch hitting PITCHER, or Coop doesn’t think Wesley can get a pitcher out.
6 – ANY hit that ANY pitcher gets with 2 out and especially ANY hit that ANY pitcher gets with 2 outs and men on base.

– and by the way,
Right along with Tim McCarver for saying dumb stuff about hitting pitchers, I give equal marks to all the moron reporters who are covering AL teams who are bleating about how WONderful it is that fewer homers are now being hit (HAS to be because of the sudden absence of steroids between last year and this year) and how baseball is fortunately getting rid of home run hitters so that we are now going back to The Way The Game Is Supposed To Be Played.

Hello you brain dead morons. The DH was NOT included in “The Way The Game Is Supposed To Be Played.” Pitchers hit until 1973. And the grossly inferior AL had to do SOMEthing to come up with some stupid gimmick to bolster its sagging attendence caused by years of stubborn insistence of waaaay too many AL teams to sign players who had the misfortune to look like a Negro…

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6 Responses to “6/24/08:Why NL Baseball ROOLZ!!!”

  1. Lisa Gray says:

    thank you steve!!!
    see, i think the DH is cheating. always have.
    it is sort of like getting a designated sex partner when your husband too busy watching football/basketball/swimsuit competitions to pay proper attention to his wife you know what i’m sayin
    it’s cheating
    you gotta take the good with the bad. which is why every offensive player should play defense too. and yes, pitching IS defense.

  2. Steve says:

    Right Freakin On girl. I suggest that everyone read the following rule taken from the MLB official site and pay attention to the number of players mentioned.
    This is the first rule of baseball and it seems to me that it was an important rule for Abner Doubleday (even if it was from the distant past) He invented the game and it was the first rule he made. Maybe Steinbrenner would like 4 strikes and 5 balls. It would make the game last longer and he could sell more expensive concessions and souvenirs.
    1.01 Baseball is a game between two teams of nine players each, under direction of a manager, played on an enclosed field in accordance with these rules, under jurisdiction of one or more umpires.
    The official rules can be viewed at this website:
    Having 10 players on a team is not the REAL game of baseball with all of its intricate strategies. After a few years without performance enhancing drugs perhaps the NL will regain it former dominance,or maybe not. NO matter what, AL ball is boring to watch compared to the real game that I love. National League style REWLS!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. TBone Fan says:

    Nice article…
    Now this is cheating…
    MLB sweeps steroid era under the rug…

  4. Travis says:

    I really dont have beef with the DH… pitchers dont hit worth a damn any way, yeah yeah mike hampton, d willis etc etc, but lets be real pitchers suck at the plate. The DH give the manager more tactical manuevering with his line up and makes the game more interesting i think. But I do appreciate the NL attitude and swagger that pitchers bring to the plate: See Ben Sheets, I am surprised he even carries a bat to the plate.

  5. Lisa Gray says:

    i personally happen to believe that steroids were neither cheating nor detrimental to the game.
    i wouldn’t care if no pitcher could do anything BUT sac-bunt. becausehaving a pitcher hit is like having clank lee play LF. you gotta take the good with the bad

  6. Jeff Kallman says:

    Lisa—Hall of Famer Warren Spahn holds the distinction of surrendering the first lifetime major league bombs to Willie Mays and Sandy Koufax (who was such a weak hitter that, when he threw his first no-hitter, a fan held up a placard saying “Sandy’s Perfect Game: 0-for-4”). Mays hit his in 1951; Koufax hit his in 1963 . . . the year Spahn became the first 20-game winning 42-year-old.
    Mudcat Grant, Twins pitcher, all but doing the Twist coming down the line running out the bomb he hit in Game Six, 1965 World Series.
    Steve, and anyone else harbouring the myth still—Once and for all: Abner Doubleday did not invent the game. The debunking only begins with the point that, in the year he’s supposed to have invented it, he was a cadet at West Point . . . and his family moved away from Cooperstown the year before. More to the point, Doubleday himself never claimed to have invented the game.
    The man whose letter may really have launched the Doubleday myth, Abner Graves, a) was himself a mere sprout of five in 1839; and, b) a few years after he wrote the letter Albert Spalding took at face value, Graves shot his wife to death and was committed to a hospital for the criminally insane for the rest of his life. Hardly a paragon of credibility.
    [Historian Peter Morris thinks Graves conflated Doubleday the general to a second Abner Doubleday, who wasn’t the general who (as a captain) fired the return salvo from Fort Sumter that kicked off the Civil War in earnest and ended up being credited as the inventor of baseball as we know it. But even that isn’t easy to confirm. So far as I know, the only Doubleday who ever had any real involvement with baseball was the one who co-owned the New York Mets for a time.]
    I’ll bet you also didn’t know: The first known formal rules for playing baseball as we’ve come to know it—set by the New York Knickerbockers in 1845, and adopted with a few variations by more clubs around the region and the country as they discovered it was easier to play the game with such streamlining, actually say nothing about how many men might be on a fielded team. (In fact, as baseball evolved in that time it took awhile for teams to think about shortstops, and I gather from various readings that fourth outfielders were not uncommon, either.) The nearest the Knickerbockers’ rules come to such a prescription comes in Rule 6: If there should not be a sufficient number of members of the Club present at the time agreed upon to commence exercise, gentlemen not members may be chosen in to make up the match, which shall not be broken up to take in members that may afterwards appear; but in all cases, members shall have the preference, when present, at the making of a match.
    (Imagine, though, the baserunning prospects of the time: the Knicks’ rules mandated 42-foot distances from base to base!)