I’ve gotten a few emails asking me why I never write/talk to the players themselves. Well, besides the fact that I have no Press Pass and therefore have no way to corner them, I mean, approach them, what could I ask that isn’t the same old stuff? Even if I asked new and different questions, they aren’t foolish enough to give honest answers. See what I mean:
- Me: So, welcome to the Houston Astros Ballclub. What do you think you’ll like best about being here?
- Joe Ballplayer: All the strip clubs on Richmond and I hear Rick’s has a VIP room for the athletes and… Um, ohmigawd was the tape going? I mean, it is great to be part of a winning tradition and we have a great core of great ballplayers and I’m excited to be playing here.
- Me: Well I’m glad you’re such an excitable boy. Jim Bouton once said that pitchers would take something that took 10 years off his life if it would give him 5 MPH on his fastball. What do you think about that?
- Joe Ballplayer: Well, the Union has a strong drug policy in place, which I support and it’s important because Think Of The Children.
Now if I could ever get honest answers to the following:
1 – Why do you think that so many guys who seem to have great talent can’t seem to make it to the majors?
2 – Do you think that an Organization targets certain people for success and often promotes them over guys who are actually better?
3 – Do you think that an Organization may keep a guy with ML talent in the minors anyway and if so, why?
4 – Why do you think that the media insists on ballplayers having to (pretend to) be sinless humans?
which reminds me
5 – Do you think that there are any ballplayers who give their OWN money, not money they persuaded someone ELSE to give, to charity?
6 – Please explain what “he plays the game the right way” means. Besides hitting into too many DPs or letting too many runners score, what exactly is “playing the game the WRONG way?”
7 – If this was football instead of baseball and the media and public didn’t care if you used steroids and there was no testing, would you? What if you knew for sure that using steroids would make you uncurably impotent permanently after age 40?
8 – How much practicing do you have to do before you can say “well, we gotta play em one game at a time” and “it’s a long season” and “I’m excited to be here” a zillion times with a straight face?
Needless to say, I wouldn’t be gettin no answers – at least no HONEST ones, so I don’t think I’m missing anything at all…